i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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