she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
