hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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