mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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