Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
