can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
