You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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