Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize