Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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