I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
