but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize