hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
