he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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