She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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