Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
