Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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