I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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