my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
