she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is glitter all over my balls
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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