A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
