Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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