Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
