I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
