Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
