Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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