Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
