She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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