Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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