My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
