This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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