john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
