you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
