hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
