you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
