I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
