I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is Oprah even human
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
