im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I AM VODKA MAN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
