I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
