i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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