he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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