Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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