Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize