the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
