if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
