Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
