I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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