I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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