why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
