I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
