Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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