So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
