I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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