i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
