Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
