but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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