paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
