I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just google imaged poop.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize