Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
