too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
