God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
