oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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