i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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