AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
