I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
