well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize