she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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