i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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