6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
