Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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