We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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