Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
